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Dear Zindagi (Chapter 5)

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Sometimes in Life you feel lassitude surrounding your heart making it beat wildly and you start thinking irrationally for no good reason.

“Hey” Chirped Ciara excitedly.

“You seem to be happy today!” Her inner voice said placidly.

“Like you aren’t cognizant of the recent turn of events in my life.” Ciara said in an accusing tone.

“I know, but there is nothing to be excited about!” Inner voice said cautiously.

When we are too happy we usually shut everyone around us who are just trying to help us isn’t it true?

“What is with you” Ciara said this time with spitting pure anger and pouted like a little girl. She was baffled with the way her conscience was talking to her. Instead of beaming at her, her inner self is pretending like she is unaware of anything in her life!

“You need to understand the cruel play of this society which they are slowly trapping you in” tell her inner voice with a hint of warning.

“What do you mean?” Cia asked suddenly on full alert.

“Life is not all about earning money! It is much more than that, it is about earning respect, helping others who are in need, it is more about living happily. Instead of being a marionette be the sole driver of your steering wheel, don’t let anybody take that right from you!” tell her conscience weighing her every word.

“But this is all I ever wanted.” Said Cia slowly.

“Did you?” asked her inner voice questioned and she felt tongue-tied, she felt betrayed, she didn’t have anything to say back, she was embarrassed.

Her conscious once again won, leaving her with a bundle of thoughts gnawing her insides. She felt dejected but one thing she was sure of was her inner voice was right indeed, instead of being materialistic we should be more realistic and do things which gives all the pleasures of life.

To be Continued…

 

 

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Sexism: A Social Disease Need Its Cure!

“Oh come on Meera, Don’t behave  like you are not aware of how the system works,” said James with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

I was tongue-tide again, it was not for the first time my work was subsided and my competitor, Rahul’s work was approved just because Rahul was male and our dear Manager James think if women will be given more appreciation then it is like going against the inane rules of this society.

I capitulated without thinking even for a second, it was better to remain silent as if anyone raised their voice then they will be directly thrown out of this company with no ifs and buts. The biggest con’s of being a middle class is remain silent and scared, if you raised your voice, then your job will be gone on one side, your respect which you have earned with so much hard work will also be gone with a blink of an eye! Without meeting James unfaltering gaze which was not at all guilty, I decide to go back to my desk!

“What does this big-brown eyed, short-haired, round face with full of wrinkles think of himself?” I groaned on my way back to the exit gate.

The moment I was about to turn the metal knob, James voice stopped me in my tracks. For a moment I thought it was all a prank that James was pulling off at my expense and just maybe this time my presentation was indeed accepted, after all I have spent one month in preparing it, collecting all the facts, putting them together was not less than a tedious task!

I turned and tried to put a straight face, I didn’t want to be happy without any reason and was looking for a positive response just this one time.

James got up from his Black revolving chair, hands in his pockets, eyes looked  a little suspicious. He opened the front button of his gray color jacket underneath was white crisp shit with black buttons, paired it with a dark gray tie. He wasn’t that old and according to his age, he looked fine and to be exact being in his late thirties he looked attractive enough.

“Oh my dear Meera! You gave up just so easily, aren’t you going to put up a fight?” He asked as he approached towards me with a smile on his face which surely didn’t reach his eyes.

For some reason I was worried about his query, I wasn’t expecting this coming after all! He has never talked to me like this and what kind of fight he is talking about, nobody  can argue with him once he has taken his decision, its final!

“What are you talking about?” I asked and my throat suddenly became parched, my palms became sweaty and my forehead started sweating given the fact that the air conditioner was working just fine.

“Meera, Meera, Why you behave so innocently? If you want to be chosen for this, all you have to do is ask!” James said, sliding his big masculine hands across my slender arm. I shivered in the most disgusting way, it was like thorns were making their way on my arms and I couldn’t do anything.

The hundred yard office suddenly looked so small that it was suffocating me to breathe the same air as James was. I was horrified with what was happening with me. The way his hand was rested on my shoulder was making me uneasy.

“Sir, you are crossing your line” I warned him to back off, but he didn’t instead he came even closer to me that we were nose to nose. I shut my eyes and thought about the options I was left with.

“Meera be mine, one night and your life will change, you don’t have to be the assistant manager, looking for anybody’s approval, you will be my secretary and trust me your life will become heaven. Don’t think much” He purred into my ears and my eyes started to sting as his every word registered in my mind.

“Meera tell him to fuck off, hit him where he needed to be, don’t run like other women do, its harassment, which is happening with you, he needs to learn a lesson and if not now then maybe never” My inner voice nudged and for once I listened to her.

“Get the hell away from me, you asshole” I yelled at the top my lungs shoving him with as much strength as it was possible.

“What you thought, hearing your offer I will be putty in your hands? I will succumb to your demands? Just because of people like you women are subjugated in this society! Who do you think you are? I am not your sex toy and no woman is! We are capable enough to make our own place. In the name of gender equality you hire women, this is what gender equality means? If you can’t respect women you don’t even have any right to disrespect any women” I said and by then the whole staff was looking at him with eyes wide and radiating anger.

James, head bowed, he was ashamed of what he did and for once I was proud of my inner self for making me do the right thing. With my head held high I left, leaving all the staff members to decide what should be done next.

It’s time we all should come together and in the name of gender equality eliminate this harassment which is needed. Sexism is a social disease and the only cure is to be strong enough to stand against it….

 

 

 

 

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Long Lost Met Again…

Sometimes it is okay to be a little selfish for your own self and for your own better future and if that involves leaving everything that you once loved more than anything then also it’s fine.

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It has been said that time is a big healer and with time your every wound heals sooner or later, but some wounds remain fresh in your heart and mind like they just happened a moment ago…

I was walking down that road all over again, the red bricks, gigantic trees , newly blooming flowers, everything looked exactly the same yet it all looked different like it’s for the first time I am visiting this place. That intoxicating scent of pure air was still there yet with time things changed.
The sky appeared to be crystal blue, the roads looked newly built, you can smell the charcoal from it. Birds were chirping, everything was exactly the same in my mind, even the memories were so fresh of you and I standing by the stairs. Your masculine hands encircling my waist, my back against your front, I am giggling over something you said a second ago. It looked all same, so real that I was afraid if I will trace my finger along your face, you will be there but no one was there. In these last six years everything has changed, people here look more sophisticated and neatly dressed. That slum where I had spent my twelve years has now taken a shape of a beautiful building.

“So you are finally here” Said a familiar voice and my whole body went stiff.

I turned around to look into those mesmerizing blue eyes, which were able to hypnotize me every time. When I looked at him I was awestruck by the change of his looks and it only exuded one thing that was money!

I was tongue-tied that very moment, all these years I never thought this place will change like this or particularly him. It’s like I am meeting a whole new person.

I remember when I first saw him. I was six years old then, I had a fight with my mother and in return she slapped me, I was sitting under the tree silently weeping over my cruel fate. Out of nowhere someone tapped me on my shoulder and when I refused to look, that person sat beside me.

“Why are you crying?” He asked softly but by his voice I could judge he was annoyed by my crying and this made angry.

“Please go, I don’t want to talk to anyone” I said calmly but he completely ignored my request and took my hands with which I was covering my face within his small hands.

Don’t be a baby, eat this. Whenever I cry, I eat this. Stop crying now, ” he said, putting an orange color lollipop for which I was crying. That is when I noticed him.

He was taller than me, but his face was small, his clothes were exactly like mine mismatched and at places patches covered the area which was torn off. We both looked emaciated, his hair were disheveled just like mine, but what drawn me towards him was eyes beautiful blue orbs. They are just so rare and the intensity his eyes behold was capable of intimidating anyone. In the beginning I was scared of him too, but as time passed we both became inseparable.

He was my best friend, but everything crumpled right in front of my knees when he said he love me. My priorities were different then. I wanted a better future for myself after all, I never wanted to spend my whole life-like my mother did. I wanted to get educated, but he wasn’t ready to let me go so I did the worst possible thing I could do to him, I insulted him in every possible way and left when all he wanted was me to be With him.

“You look good, ” he said, but with a smirk on his face devoid of any emotion.

“You have changed” I said completely ignoring his remark.

He was wearing a teal color turtle neck T-shirt which was highlighting his blue eyes paired it with Gray color shorts. He was wearing a black slippers, but his whole attire looked elegant. His hair looked short, neatly combed.

“With time people change, so have I, ” he said, looking straight into my eyes.

His words crushed My heart into a million of pieces, I know what I did to him was an arch-enemy would also not do but at that time I had no choice.

“I am sorry, ” I said softly, but didn’t dare to look into his eyes.

What I wanted to do was to run into his arms and hug him as tightly as it was possible for me but I know I have lost that right.

“Why are you here?” He asked me in a raised voice, gritting his teeth.

“For you, ” I said and moved towards him, but all my hopes were shattered when he took a step back.

I stop in between, My eyes full of tears, I was just about to run from there when in a blink of eyes, he with a jerk pulled me towards him and I straight landed in his arms.

“You are so irresponsible, if something would have happened to you I would never forgive myself ever, ” he said and engulfed me in His arms. His hands were on my back and my hands were in his hair.

The sensation of having his arms around me was divine. And knowing he still cares for me was even more heart wrenching.

“Please don’t let me go, ” I said and voice break at the end.

“Even if I want to, I can’t, ” he said, tightening his hands around my waist and I snuggled more into him.

For the past ten years I was waiting for this day to come and when it came everything changed. Not only this place has changed over, but this man whom I respect so much has also changed but in the best possible way…

 

 

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A Silenced Voice…

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I dreamed to be a better person,

I dreamed of living in a spick and span area,

I wanted to roam in the city all night without meeting the hungry gaze of men,

Who were all ready to entrap woman like me,

I dreamed to wear clothes in which I am comfortable with regardless of the fact whether they are too short or covered,

I dreamed to be an artist without anybody enquiring me about which degree I possess or what my qualification is,

I dreamed to inhale pure, fresh air which is not full of pollution for once,

I dream to see poverty free India where not at every turn there was someone standing in the scorching heat of sun begging for few rupees,

I wanted to get educated not because it was my need but to match the inane standards of this cruel society,

I wanted to speak English regardless of this fact whether it is my native language or not,

So that nobody can point a finger at me saying I don’t belong here,

But there is a thin line between what I wanted and what I dreamed for,

As living in a brothel is not something which is appreciated and it is not easy to live a life in this hell hole,

For every need and dream here you have to pay a price which now I am not willing to give,

All these men out there don’t see me as a women who has feelings and soul,

But they see me as a women who has vagina and bosom,

They know how to use my body for their own privilege and to quench their own thirst,

But they don’t know how to worship, cherish or respect me.

I dreamed of living in a place where people are not as narrow-minded as they are,

A place where every person respected a job of prostitute,

I dreamed of getting the kind of respect a normal being has,

I dreamed of getting support from my family for what I do,

I dreamed of being a mother, bestowing all the love I have on my child,

But thinking about all this makes me even more numb to every emotion,

Knowing how the mentality of this society is and how this society functions,

Knowing they will not be able to digest a prostitute upbringing a child,

As I am anything but a human being, like I am shallow from inside,

I don’t have a character as I use my body to make my ends meet which according to them is a draconian act,

Living a life as a prostitute is a shame and brings disgrace to this society,

But before ending this right here,

I want to ask questions whose answers I am not cognizant of and for my survival I need to know them,

Why women have to endure every pain?

Why women have to be perfect and expected to be like Sita?

Why women can’t be as ferocious as a lion is?

Why raping a women does not bring disgrace for a man?

Why he is not ashamed of his own actions?

Why he gets away with every crime which is done against women?

Why???

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Dear Zindagi (Chapter 3)

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“Why are you so upset today? As far as I remember you were squealing like a child in the morning!” asked Ciara’s inner voice when Ciara was pondering over things which her inner voice was aware of yet she wanted Ciara to say it herself.

“You know why I am sulking” said Ciara with a sad face.

“You know you cannot hold onto people forever no matter how hard you try you cannot do this” her conscience said after weighing her every word as the last thing she wanted to do was to upset her even more.

“Yeah I know but it’s just sometimes some people become such an important part of our lives that when they move on while we are right there where they left us, it hurts…” Ciara said with tears in her eyes.

“You know every stranger has a role to play in your life, they come, play their roles as efficaciously as it is possible for them and when the right time comes they leave you not because now they don’t need you anymore but because now even if they remain in your lives then also it will not make any difference. So learn to let things go.” Her conscience said something which we all should ponder over.

“You will never leave me will you?” Asked a suddenly alert Ciara as even the thought of not listening to her conscience is like living life without breathing.

“It will only happen when you will die, then I have to leave you otherwise you are stuck with me for lifetime” Her inner voice said proudly.

“I love you” Ciara said with a smile playing on her vibrant face.

“I know” Her conscience retorted back proudly and swaying her head she laughed and thought only one thing.

‘Life is beautiful when you give preference to yourself, It is even more amazing when you care for others but don’t forget one thing others are here to only play their roles but you will be there for yourself when no one will be there so love yourself unconditionally…’

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Dear Zindagi (Chapter 2)

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” When I look at people now a days, I see only one thing in their eyes, lust for  more power. Now feelings don’t matter at all, every emotion is weighed, now people believe in materialistic things rather than the feelings.” Ciara said sadly when she reached her favorite spot, i.e in the back of her house is a beach which is not only beautiful but provide her serenity too.

“I know, but this is how life works. You cannot change these things, the only thing you can do is accept it as soon as it is possible for you ” said the voice which she has been craving for, her conscience.

“Is there any way I can escape all this? Like outer world I do understand but it hurts when people around me who are related to me behave like money is everything. I mean I know money is something with which you can buy everything” Ciara said keeping a hand under her chin, her brows furrowed. She looked deeply disturbed.

” You cannot buy everything, you can buy all the materialistic things but you can never buy love. Just accept this we all are selfish, and we do judge people with what they say. It is totally normal, we live in kalyug(age of downfall) don’t expect people to be selfless.” said her inner voice after weighing every word.

“I hate it when every time you turn out to be right!” She said with a smile which looked ostensible. Now that her inner voice has heard her worries she seemed to be calm.

“You know I am always right” said her conscience proudly which made her smile.

“Yeah Yeah” she said and walked towards her home with one hope that in the coming years maybe in her world she will make a difference.

She will not let people weigh her emotions, She will create her own world where only those people will be there who are with her because they want to be not because of any other selfish reason…

 

To Be Continued

 

 

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You Promised…

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It is difficult for me to let you go,

I am afraid of what will happen when you are not around anymore,

You promised you will never leave me ever,

Yet you ended up breaking every single fucking promise you made,

Why you did this to me?

Why can’t I hold onto you forever?

Why suddenly things changed between us?

Don’t go please I wanted to say,

But you were gone already so far away from me,

That now you are a star, twinkling without any care,

Everyday you shine so brightly,

Everyday I wipe my unshed tears,

Reminiscing the days when we were together,

I never said out loud but now I want to confess this to you,

You were my life,

You made a place in my heart which nobody can replace ever…

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Dear Zindagi (Chapter 1)

Voicing your own thoughts to your own conscious will do wonders, just try it once..

“Life is so unfair sometimes you know” Ciara said to her conscience the moment she reached that one place where she can voice out all her worries.

“It never promised to be fair” retorted her inner voice.

“True but sometimes why things take drastic changes? Why can’t everything be as we want it to be” Ciara asked, her brows furrowed.

“If everything goes as we planned then what will be the fun of living life? At every juncture we will know what is store for us! There will be no mystery, no fun, no excitement. It will be like an open book” said her conscience.

“Yeah you are right, I don’t know why I even asked you all this” Ciara said realizing how stupid her questions were.

“Don’t insult yourself ever! If you will insult yourself then who will respect you and your questions weren’t stupid, you just voiced out what you wanted to which many people out there don’t have guts to” said her inner voice in a authoritative manner making her shiver.

“I am always here for you, even if the whole world is against you, I will still be there to solve all your problems. What you have to do is talk to me and answers will come from within you” said her conscience before she could say anything and then like a stroke of wind she was gone, leaving Ciara all alone yet she knew one thing she is not alone, may be physically she is but not mentally or emotionally.

With this thought she made her way towards her home but with a smile on her face…

To Be Continued…

 

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DREAMSCAPE

Why are we so away from reality?

Why in our dreamscape we are so happy?

The simple answer is in our dreams we don’t judge,

We don’t expect,

Everything is so damn perfect there,

There is no kind of ambiguity there,

We smile without counting the flaws,

We experience what we want in our future,

All those things that we admire suddenly seem so close to us,

Even the moon looks unblemished,

Stars appear big and they twinkle with great amount of zest,

Only because it’s not real, we are living all these things in our dreamscape,

It is the bitter truth of our lives which is better to be accepted that being neglected…